Thursday, May 29, 2008

Freaking out!

I am officially "ready to go". I had one extra follie show up today for a total of 9, but it's just a little guy and probably won't amount to much. I am supposed to trigger in approx. 2 1/2 hours and I am freaking out about the IM shot thing. ESPECIALLY because DH- who already has a very messed up back- tripped and fell on the stairs today, hurt himself and is currently medicated. Yay, percocet and needles, oh my! What really pisses me off is that he was racing downstairs to tell stupid FedEx we were refusing the package from the pharmacy that was urgently needed YESTERDAY. Good times.

Beyond the IM shot freak out, I am also starting to feel the reality of Saturday's ER and I am scared folks. Yep, I am downright skeered. It's not THAT bad, right? I will be knocked out all the way but I am worried about the pain and recovery afterwards. I am a real wuss when it comes to surgical procedures. I mean, I cancelled my scheduled lap back in the fall because I was a scaredy cat. Somebody talk me down from the ledge please!?!?!?

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Crisis Averted

As the title says, crisis has been averted! Apparently my clinic hoards more of these meds than they would reeeallly like ya to know. I did have to go back down there but they had the one vial of Menopur I am going to need for tonight. I am really burning up the road with $3.89 a gallon gasoline this week, I tell ya. My meds have been slightly reduced for tonight and this should be the last night before trigger.

The 8 follies I had ranged in size from 17 to a couple at a smallish 14. Hopefully tonight's additional meds will plump them up. I still don't feel like that's alot of them, but hey, I gotta work with what I got, right? E2 was up to 1,118 and here's the weird part, lining was 11.8. Maybe I am just a freak, ok scratch that... I know I am a freak, but does anyone else think it's weird that the numbers are 1,118 and 11.8? Maybe it's a sign, mwaahahahaha.

I was also told that my lining is ever so lovely and has a "triple layer" appearance which they like to see. Anyone know what that's supposed to mean? I shall have to consult Dr. Google on that one. Anyway, BACK to the clinic in the morning at SEVEN FIFTEEN. Yes, I am a big baby, whatcha gonna do about it? ;-)

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

The Good:

At yesterday's scan I was up to 8 measurable follies and E2 was 900. Not too great by some standards but compared to the crap numbers I was hearing last week that's not too shabby. The verdict is still out on today's E2 (rarely do they call back before 2:00 p.m.) and I still don't know if I am to do one more night of stims tonight and trigger tomorrow or go ahead and trigger tonight. All 8 had gotten larger today but they might or might not push it one more day.

The Bad:

Just got a call from the lovely folks at Schraft's. Apparently Fed Ex had a plane break down and my damned Menopur is on it. If I don't have to have it tonight I am in good shape but if I do... not so much. They are calling the REs office to see if we can strike up a deal or something. Maybe they can coerce some out of them but I don't know since that stuff is on some kind of nationwide back order. Great, just fan-f'ing-tastic! I don't know why this surprises me.

The Ugly:

Oh I don't know, you pick. Perhaps the bruises on my thighs, stomach and arms?

Monday, May 26, 2008


The ART nurse just called and my E2 is up to 595. That doesn't sound too high based on other blogs I have seen, but it must be high enough for now. I am to continue the same doses of meds tonight and come back tomorrow morning. She thinks I will be getting trigger on Wednesday and ER on Friday. I really hope some more follies develop and are large enough by the time we go to retrieval! Now this feels much more real. It is sort of scary, but dare I feel hopeful?

Much better!

I didn't post after my Saturday scan because, quite frankly, I was pissed. I only had 3 measurable follicles and was a bit worried about that. Especially so because when I asked the RE at Pre-op on Thursday about my low estrogen number she said "well, if you don't respond better we'll have to cancel the cycle and start again with a more agressive protocol". She went on to say, if I was only going to have, say 3 eggs, for example, it wasn't worth continuing this cycle. I am sure you can imagine that my attitude was not all that peachy when told that was the VERY number I had!

Things got a little better when the ART nurse called me Saturday afternoon to say my E2 went up to 265 so we were progressing, just slowly. So, I was to come back in this morning, holiday and all, at 7:30 a.m. I am ready for this to be over for nothing more than not having to be places at these ungodly hours! Have I mentioned that I am not a morning person at all?

Well, this morning I had 6 measurable and she indicated there may be more, they just aren't measurable yet. I had a 13, 15 and (gasp) 17 on one side and two 13s and a 15 on the other. That's double what I had just two days ago so I am feeling much better about my response. I would like to have many more than that but going from 3 to 6 in two days is not the worst thing, especially after hearing the word CANCEL on Thursday.

Now I am waiting for the ART nurse to call with my instructions for the next day or two and hopefully a much better E2 number. I had a terrible migraine on Saturday night which I was told this morning by the sonographer that is often a good sign and indicates quickly rising estrogen levels. Who'd have thunk it? I certainly did not realize there was a connection!

Oh, and I have to figure out how to explain to my work why my "vacation" is suddenly being pushed back by three days. I had planned my time off around a much more reasonable response to the damn meds. Anyone have any ideas for an excuse? :-)

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Well that was anti-climactic!

Yesterday I went in for my 1st scan after 5 days of stims. I thought I was going to have made excellent progress, what with the much larger than injectable IUI type dose of Follistim. Boy, was I ever wrong. Follies were "nothing measurable" -and E2 level? A whopping 68. What the hell??? I hate this feeling like my body won't do what it's supposed to freaking do.

On the bright side, they gave me some free Follistim since the rep had just been by and gave them some to give patients who are paying for all this themselves. That saved me $400 anyway. Today I have my "pre-op" appointment with the RE at 1:15 p.m. I plan on asking her what the heck could be going on here.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Stims and the big red welt

Today I went in for my baseline scan and blood work. They make the IVF patients come in between 7:15 and 7:30! I think for all the money we are paying we should be able to come in whenever the hell we want! At any rate, although I am not a morning person- must get over that if want baby- it went ok.

I was a little dissapointed that my antral follicle count was 6 on one side and 4 on the other for a grand total of 10. I thought it "should" be much higher than that, according to Dr. Google, but the u/s tech assured me that was just peachy. Lining was at around 4, which I understand is good for beginning of stims. The nurse called in the afternoon to tell me bloodwork looked good, so I was all clear to start stims tonight.

All went well with the exception of a lovely reaction to the Menopur. Follistim I have done before, no prob, easy. The Lupron has also been a piece of cake. Menopur, on the other hand, not good. It stung going in much more than the Follistim and later was itching like crazy. I looked at the injection site (on the stomach) and it was red as HELL and all welted up in a nasty way. Of course, the hubby got me all concerned I was having a bad allergic reaction and convinced me to call the "emergency" cell phone number to the IVF nurse. It's available until 10:00 p.m. but I still felt bad calling at 9:00 on a Friday night!

At any rate, if anyone needs to know- that is apparently a very common reaction to Menopur. She said some batches do that more than others and to try it in the leg tomorrow. If it still welts up, then I am to ice the area both before and after the injection. So, if this happens to anyone, you are likely NOT going into anaphylactic shock, it's just a normal reaction to the crap you are paying tons of money to shoot up with. Lovely, eh? :-)

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

I survived M-Day

I am happy to say I survived Mother's Day without any major emotional episodes. It helped that I picked a Greek restaurant that isn't normally open at lunch so there were almost no other people there. One of the usual chain places full of mothers with little kids all dressed up in their Sunday best probably would have been much harder.

I feel pretty f-ing riduculous that I even had to type that last paragraph, by the way. I NEVER thought there would be a time when I would be so pathetic! I actually chose a restaurant based on the expected number (or lack thereof) of families. Because I am that jealous of other people's happiness. There. I said it.

I wish I could be one of those kind, magnanimous infertiles who just love love love other people's children. But at this point, if I am being honest, and that is what this space is for- I DON'T. I don't want to hear about their God damned potty training or the latest adorable crap they did last night. I don't want to look at their pictures and I sure as shit don't want to fawn all over them. One more Mother's Day down.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

One more step down

I took the last bcp this morning. Woohoo. This whole bcp experience has been weird. I have been spotting and feeling crampy for the last three damn weeks and now it’s time for a period??? What the hell man? Anyway, I am glad to be finished with that part of the process. I started the Lup.ron over the weekend and it hasn’t been too bad so far. Of course it helps that I am making the hubby administer all the shots. I am not even particularly afraid of starting the shots for stims since I have had injectible IUIs before. What I am kinda freaking out about is the intramuscular ones, ouch!

I guess I shouldn’t worry about that for now. One step at a time. First I have to get through the weekend. I, at this point in my IF journey, do not heart Mother’s Day at all. My own Mother being a bit off her rocker doesn’t help. But it’s mainly all the ads on TV, in the paper and everywhere else I look proclaiming that it’s time to honor Mothers. Reminding me that I am not on that list of people. Making me wonder if I’ll EVER be on that list. And making me pissed off at the people who got on that list without even trying. Or worse yet, without even wanting to.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Ready, set...human pin cushion!

Tomorrow I am supposed to start the Lupron injections. It just occurred to me that today will be the last day for a very very long time where there will not be a shot involved. That blows chunks, I tell ya. On the upside, it is Friday! I think there is a nice bottle of red with my name written alllll over it! :-)